This isn't the typical type of post that I would write for my blog. I hope that my followers can have a good read. Just sit back and sink your teeth into it.
I am 5'4 and a half, overweight, unhappy and always have been. I was a normal chubby child, like anyone else I had puppy fat. Looking back at my Dad's baby photos, so was he. He grew up to be a very SKINNY, narrow, slender man. It was his natural body shape.
Having majorly taken after my Dad in looks, I started to wonder why I myself was not that skinny girl. I'm not saying my goal is to be skinny as such...but I know I have taken after him in 99% of my looks.
When I was five years old, I remember being invited to a friend's house from school. Myself and my two friends were in the back seat of the car and one of them pointed at my thighs under my school uniform skirt.
"Her legs are bigger than ours" ...That was the 1st time I realised that there was anything wrong with me. However, there really was nothing wrong with me, I was a child with puppy fat. I grew self conscious, "Why am I bigger than the other girls" I asked my Mum, and she looked horrified.
To be honest I don't blame her. What would you do if your FIVE year old asked you why she was fat?
I didn't understand.
I got to 7 years old, with that girl's comment at the back of my mind at all times. But it was slowly becoming true. I started to gain weight when I switched schools, maybe I got depressed, eating was my way out of boredom. I am the youngest of many children with a large age gap between us. I had no one to go outside and play with.
Becoming overweight had made me less confident and I felt like no one wanted to be my friend.
My Dad, all my life, had been overweight. He had a large belly and I knew that I had also taken after him in eating. I have an incredibly slow metabolism.
I got a little older and was suddenly used to people pointing at me and calling me fat. People used to come up to me and say "you are so fat" ...Okay, and what? What is someone supposed to say to that?
If ever someone was arguing with me they would say "go and lose some weight" "haha she's so fat!"
So it was funny to people that I had this misfortune. My siblings honestly ate the same way I did, and I didn't understand what I was doing wrong and they were so thin. My Aunt's would tell me "you will be beautiful when you lose weight"
My mind had adapted to thinking about weight no less than 10 times a day. In fact, I am still the same now. I got to around 15 years old when I found a good group of friends at school. I started to go running with some people and I started to eat like them. Naturally I lost around a stone in weight. I was happier and confident (even though I was still over weight)...
I didn't look like the weight I was because as I stated above, I had taken after my Dad in looks.
Still, going to a girl's school and being around looks 24/7 had made me obsessed.
I got to the next stage of school, and went on to University. New people, new work, new stress. I gained weight again. I would sit at home, so depressed I didn't want to face my lectures at school.
I was back to square one! Heavily overweight and un-confident. I stuck like this for 2 years.
On my recent time dieting, having lost almost a stone has changed me, even mentally. I am suddenly wondering why on earth I ever let my weight stop me from achieving what I want in life.
No one has the right to tell me I am not beautiful and I can't do anything. Who are you? Do I give a damn about you? Call me fat, call me ugly, but I am now doing this for myself and for my health. All of the right reasons! I was obsessed with looks, obsessed with being perfect. But until you decide that losing weight will help
YOU first, you will not go any further than thinking about losing weight. Something about this time just clicked. I am now losing weight and not one person on this planet can ever make me feel bad anymore. You have to change your mental state before anything.
You are beautiful.
